tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-198205632011-09-09T04:22:19.441-07:00.: dubious, at best :.V J.D.noreply@blogger.comBlogger2211100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-91161456626936457902008-02-06T21:20:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:19.977-08:00

Correlation Between Ego and SingingAbility of American Idol Contestants(based on a scale of 0 to 10, 10 being higher)

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-78762309039587807932008-01-26T00:04:00.000-08:002008-01-26T01:04:20.556-08:00

Apparently scientists have discovered a way to cheaply convert organic materials to ethanol using bacteria. As you know, ethanol is the next wave of alternative fuels. This is an incredible discovery. Who would have thought that an organism could create ethanol?I'll tell you who, the ancient Egyptians. Those guys were genius. Not only did they build the pyramids and those giant lion thingies

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-56497190665961429832008-01-25T23:58:00.000-08:002008-01-26T00:04:34.669-08:00

I saw a guy in the elevator the other day wearing a suit, a trench coat, and a very serious look. He looked like he was trying to be very professional. He was also wearing a black backpack. Is there anything less professional than a backpack? He looked like he just got done with his rounds peddling the Book of Mormon. A backpack? Seriously.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-28452353576784551642008-01-19T00:38:00.000-08:002008-01-19T02:38:07.381-08:00

Like minks on a mink farm, law students think they have it good. All they have to do is pass the bar exam and their dreams of a prestigious job and material riches will come true. Just like the poor minks on a mink farm, they couldn't be more wrong. At a point in every mink's life its fate is determined. The mink that matures to a suitable size, with a uniform coat of soft, glossy fur is

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-49232087432833636412007-09-16T22:23:00.001-07:002008-12-10T11:16:20.206-08:00

Apparently they're giving out Emmy awards to people for mere ideas these days. Al Gore won an Emmy for "Outstanding Creative Achievement in Interactive Television" for his "current.com" project.Interesting. I went to current.com, and it doesn't exist yet. There is no interactive television there. None. However, there is some douche lobbying for viewers. But it still isn't interactive.If the

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-26322519762010786692007-07-12T20:12:00.000-07:002007-07-12T20:46:41.182-07:00

...this is the fourth blog post this month. I'm like a bad Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor. I slowly ween you off the drink, but then you catch me having a few beers myself and you join in. Off the wagon you go...or on the wagon if it's being pulled by the Budweiser Clydesdales. Now you're going to be looking every minute, or every 2,880 minutes to see if I've updated the blog. Your excitement

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-39409902701119739712007-07-11T21:50:00.000-07:002007-07-12T20:08:24.331-07:00

It's Wednesday night and there's not a damned thing on. Not a damned thing on and I don't know what channel I'm watching. Generally you can tell what channel you're watching by the show that's on. Well, that luxury is long gone. Today I watched this new show called "Singing Bee" on NBC. It's a stupid show where bad singers try to remember lyrics to random songs.Today I watched this new show

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-81570844909198015792007-07-08T22:06:00.001-07:002008-12-10T11:16:20.547-08:00

This is my dwarf avocado tree. I raised him from a wee pit. Pretty cool eh?

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-68346354510257392822007-07-03T23:40:00.001-07:002007-07-03T23:53:32.128-07:00

This yahoo at the Christian Science Monitor read my blog about tipping and wrote an article on the topic. The bastard didn't even give me a shout out. Lame.The article was lame too, so I shouldn't have expected much.I think we'll need to kick off the anti-tipping movement. Next time you see a tip cup, ask the clerk-person if they deserve a tip. If they can not give an articulable reason why

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-26491104582292003382007-06-10T13:10:00.000-07:002007-06-10T13:36:39.705-07:00

I really pissed off Soupy, an apparent barista, who didn't like me challenging her unfounded expectation of gratuity. My response to her comment:Betcherass I pocket my change. My rule is "Silver in the pocket, copper in the cup." But you completely miss the point Soupy. When I go to a coffee shop, I go in intending to purchase a handcrafted latte. I'm paying $3.60 for the handcrafted latte,

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-16471136324421982312007-05-18T18:37:00.000-07:002007-05-18T19:42:46.393-07:00

I hate tipping. It's a ridiculous practice. Don't get me wrong, I understand the purpose behind it. Restaurant owners got together way back when and figured out how to pay their employees a shitty wage and get their patrons to pay more than the total on the bill to make up the difference. Wait-peoples went right along with it and here we are today. There is a rational basis to this system.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-48512855965477783742007-03-19T23:01:00.000-07:002007-03-19T23:05:52.705-07:00

Some of you may wonder what I do when I'm not working since I obviously don't write in my blog. When I'm not working I yell at cripples.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-18853077345336477242007-02-27T19:50:00.000-08:002007-02-27T20:42:33.522-08:00

Necessity is the mother of invention. Necessity is also the fire under the ass of Lazies. Lazies are people who don't ever do anything until the very last second. That's me.Some people call Lazies procrastinators. I thought for a long time that I was a procrastinator. I had all the telltale symptoms. I always choose to do fun things over work. I watch TV instead of do the dishes. I read

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-69738426271699686552007-02-17T17:16:00.000-08:002007-02-17T17:19:35.506-08:00

I was in the men's room of a bar the other night when a large black man entered. This Asian guy gave him a double take then patted him on the arm and said, "Hey Amigo!"Amigo? I laughed.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-21497721280917562382007-02-13T18:57:00.000-08:002007-02-13T23:04:38.103-08:00

It's been a long time since I've posted. I've been busy...at work. I'm officially a salaried associate at my firm. It's Awesome. To top it all off, I actually enjoy what I do. That's some sort of fancy-named trifecta right there. Employed, check. Permanently, check. Like job, check. I was only in the top 30% in law school, but those stats right there put me in the top 5% of my graduating

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-51923013867110413432007-01-20T22:35:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:20.778-08:00

Bill the son of a bitches!That is all.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-83539606499997217902007-01-12T22:32:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:21.287-08:00

Well, the idea guy moved away, so now I have to find a new drinkin' buddy. Happy hour just isn't the same in my apartment. Today I picked up a box of cheesy bread sticks on the way home, and I enjoyed them with a 16oz Rainier. I was happy...for about an hour.After dinner I looked forward to an evening of good tv. I shouldn't have set my sights so high. I should have looked forward to drinking

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-55238169118037449282007-01-09T21:46:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:21.446-08:00

When I was in 6th grade I had the good fortune of attending a public school that forced the D.A.R.E. program down our throats. D.A.R.E. was awesome! DAAARE to keep kids of drugs...DA-A-A-RE TO JUST SAY NO! That stupid song is taking up space in my noggin. I also remember the definition of a drug, "Anything other than food that affects the way the mind or body works."You know what's an awesome

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-83770868145185393092007-01-01T22:17:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:21.617-08:00

You goofy bastards.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-16465657079193682006-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:21.673-08:00

You goofy bastards.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-42948385566645753922006-12-23T17:45:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:21.780-08:00

I saw a commercial the other day warning me about the hazards of holiday shopping and identity theft. No where is identity theft more prevalent than at the Nordstrom Santa Sweatshop. I walked by the other day and saw a black Santa. I thought, "Damn, I better be more careful. If Santa's identity can be stolen, then anyone's can." However, Mrs. Claus may not mind - you know what they say about

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-22403251806089222672006-12-18T22:52:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:21.944-08:00

Ever since graduating from law school I've had three times the car-related incidents in the past few months that I've had in the last 11 years:1) Three days after graduation, the Girlfriend and I were hit by a drunk driver. That was ultimately resolved by going through the pain in the ass of getting the car fixed, with the usual delays of course. The city prosecutor called me once to ask if I

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-53098523577155863292006-12-16T00:33:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:22.037-08:00

Walking home from work the other weekYou may say there's no such thing as yayhoosbut in downtown Seattle you will seeI got hit by a car last Tuesday. Seriously. I was walking across the street and this car, that was stopped, decided to start going when I was right in front of it. I tried to get out of the way and "protect" myself by putting my hands on its hood, but he still got me. The bumper

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-75527768867365415402006-12-13T20:28:00.000-08:002006-12-13T22:10:19.131-08:00

Happy Blogiversary to meHappy Blogiversary to meHappy Blogiversary to meHappy Blogiversary to meOh, the Blogiversary. Yeah, that was yesterday. Thanks for all the emails from the people who remembered. Most of you forgot the Blogiversary. For the anniversary, the blog got a face lift. Did you even notice? I didn't think so.The amazing thing about the blogiversary is the fact that some of you

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-30471289721442036942006-12-11T21:22:00.000-08:002006-12-11T21:55:41.861-08:00

Dear Abby,How do I get better readers who will make clever remarks about me consistently misspelling "advice" as "advise."Sincerely,Eddie McStiffDear Eddie,Poor spelling is certainly not blosome. You should be more careful. Also, you should not expect your readers to be as clever as you. Sure, they probably caught the mistake, but because most of them are lawyers, they have no sense of humor

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-41429733486194800902006-12-11T12:33:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:22.202-08:00

There have been a few questions about the recent coining of the word "Blosome," and I want to set the record straight. All my readers witnessed the coining of the word "blosome" right before their very eyes. I accidentally put the words "blog" and "awesome" together and it was love at first site. TomKat and Brangelina, meet Blosome.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-27873656328314683832006-12-09T00:21:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:22.376-08:00

this blog has gotten lame. I think there's a general downturn in blog productivity these days. Blog recession. You can't expect me to be awesome on the blog every day. Granted, I am pretty damned awesome every day, but it is tough to translate general walkin' around awesome into blog awesome...or blosome. Blossom Woah! I like my strawberry milk. Woah.Anyway, all my faithful readers, back

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-72925605603525590232006-12-02T00:37:00.000-08:002008-12-10T11:16:22.490-08:00

been pulled over for DUI...until tonight.So I have an enjoyable evening at The Girlfriend's office Christmas party. I have one beer early in the evening. I enjoy myself with good food and conversation. Two and a half hours later we decide to leave.I'm driving along on I-90 and it's a little foggy, so I'm not driving too agressively. I'm in the middle lane and there's an SUV in front of me.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-6937496485412253832006-11-29T20:25:00.000-08:002006-11-29T21:07:49.002-08:00

Thanks Winter. I appreciate what you did for me today. Thanks for making me slip and fall on my ass. I didn't slip on ice, slush, or snow. The ice is pretty much all gone along my standard walking paths. No, this year you got a little more clever. Hell, I keep my balance on all the ice, so you make me slip on a patch of salt. You tried to cover up your evil tricks and make me want to blame

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-30857730216564430762006-11-27T20:47:00.000-08:002006-11-27T21:28:44.086-08:00

Let the winter hatefest continue. Today it snowed in Seattle. It dusted the city a bit last night, but today it snowed enough to make the sidewalks pretty slushy. Thanks to the snow I had to walk home from work. Traffic is always bad in Seattle, but it's much much worse when it snows. It gets this way for 2 reasons: 1) Seattle drivers aren't used to driving in snow/slush and don't know what

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-4262862148806563772006-11-22T22:59:00.000-08:002006-11-22T23:56:26.773-08:00

I HATE WINTER! I hate it. There is nothing good about it. I hate snow, I hate rain, I hate the cold, I hate the wind, and most of all I hate it getting dark at 3:45 in the afternoon. You yayhoos that are going to say, "Well, actually, it's still Fall" can keep quiet. For all intensive purposes when it's dark, rainy, and ass cold, it's winter.But because I'm the type of person who always

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1164005409730533772006-11-19T22:48:00.000-08:002006-11-21T19:33:27.013-08:00

The Ohio State Buckeyes footbal players (the good ones at least) have decals on their helmets. The decals are supposed to resemble a buckeye leaf. A buckeye is a type of tree and a type of nut."Since 1968 the helmets of Ohio State players have been adorned with white decals approximately the size of a quarter depicting a buckeye leaf, awarded for making significant plays and for consistency of

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1163839216516448382006-11-18T00:21:00.000-08:002006-11-18T00:41:57.636-08:00

Girl: Look at the water spots on the ceiling.Guy: Yup.Girl: I thought they just remodeled this building.Guy: Yup.Girl: Look how dark they are, there's probably a lot of bacteria and mold in there.Guy: Yup.Girl: We could all get sick, that stuff's pretty bad.Guy: I'm not worried.Girl: Why aren't you worried?Guy: Have you seen my bathroom?Girl: [Gives confused look]Guy: My shower has warring

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1162533059183037002006-11-02T21:04:00.000-08:002006-11-02T21:50:59.280-08:00

Hey everybody. Long time no see. Sorry I haven't written in so long, but I haven't been inspired to write. The girlfriend thinks I haven't been updating because I don't have enough angst in my life right now. Since graduating from law school and passing the bar the stress in my life has decreased considerably. So the new job is going well and I got sworn in yesterday. However, I'm still not

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1161577725595626702006-10-22T21:23:00.000-07:002006-10-22T21:28:45.616-07:00

What the hell ever happened to the Snorks? That was one of the greatest cartoons ever. It was way better than the crap on Saturday mornings these days.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1160452028329334942006-10-09T19:58:00.000-07:002006-10-09T20:53:46.206-07:00

Today I received congratulations from everyone in the office for passing the bar exam. One guy said to me, "Good, we didn't expect anything less." He wasn't kidding. I think I would have been fired if I hadn't passed the bar. That made me think of all the recent grads who will undoubtedly be fired as a result of failing the bar exam. My sincerest condolences to those of you who failed and

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1160265762664036092006-10-07T16:48:00.000-07:002006-10-07T17:03:55.943-07:00

And it wasn't even that hard.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1160196509123537992006-10-06T21:45:00.000-07:002006-10-06T21:54:52.736-07:00

we were so poor the only playground equipment we had in the yard was 15 feet of rusted scaffolding.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1159845861580108682006-10-02T19:15:00.000-07:002006-10-02T20:25:04.556-07:00

Ever since second grade, whenever I learn a lesson I say to myself, "New Rule..." and I say the rule. I never write the rules down though, so I think I've forgotten many of them. Today I learned two new rules and I'm going to share them with you.New Rule: When you leave a job abruptly, on not necessarily good terms, don't leave anything behind. When I left my job last week I left one of my

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1159467290992651272006-09-28T10:31:00.000-07:002006-09-28T16:10:53.123-07:00

In light of my recent employment change, I decided to stay on the unemployment theme. I have a friend who recently graduated from law school with me who is having trouble finding a job. He has a phenomenal resume and gets along well with others.One reason The Friend is unemployed is incompetent HR people. He recently applied for a job and was told that they normally don't hire people with

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1159396760693503762006-09-27T15:24:00.000-07:002006-09-27T15:39:20.746-07:00

Sorry to put you all on this emotional roller coaster, but I'm employed again. I start Friday morning. Friday will be the first day of the rest of my life, but I have to say, my 4 hours of unemployment wasn't too shabby.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1159395026300997762006-09-27T14:42:00.000-07:002006-09-27T15:10:26.380-07:00

It seems like only 45 days ago that I was starting this job. And now I'm no longer employed. I am officially unemployed. Ultimately I broke up with The Boss, over email, while we were both at the office. How weird is that? I was touched by The Boss' heartfelt goodbye: "We're real busy today, thanks for the email."How many first days of the rest of my life do I get?

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1159332587175376052006-09-26T21:47:00.000-07:002006-09-26T21:49:47.196-07:00

One in twelve men suffer from color blindness. While there are varying degrees (red-green or blue-green), some of these men suffer complete color blindness. I wonder how many of these men in Chicago and Cincinnatti get confused about which hat to wear. To a color blind person, the Cincinnatti Reds and Chicago Bears logos look almost identical. Only a very astute observer could tell which logo

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1159229501597394892006-09-25T16:47:00.000-07:002006-09-25T21:05:26.426-07:00

You are titillating you temptress of entertainment. You distract me from work, from chores, and from sleep. Oh how I have longed to watch you, late into the night. Even after a late night with you, I am always willing to wake up early, turn you on, and be entertained. You show me things I don't normally get to see. It's been two and a half years since you were last in my apartment. I know,

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158899153161875562006-09-21T21:23:00.000-07:002006-09-21T21:41:08.613-07:00

My readers are loyal, even if they aren't that smart. Within 2 hours of posting my recipe I received the following question:"Why does your four ingredient casserole only have three ingredients?"He wasn't joking.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158895017961543512006-09-21T19:37:00.000-07:002006-09-21T20:37:59.810-07:00

Well, summer is over and winter is upon us. It's cold, it's rainy, and it's dark early. The trifecta of depression. I could reach for the Zoloft, Prozac, Celexa, Paxil, or Wellbutrin (no sexual side effects with this one), but nothing lifts my spirts better than some comfort food.Today I'm going to share with you my not-yet-but-soon-to-be-world-famous 4-ingredient casserole.Ingredients:1-20

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158812359324011182006-09-20T21:18:00.000-07:002006-09-20T21:19:19.346-07:00

...my brother and I used to call the hip radio station at the time and dedicate love-songs to girls we liked. Then we called the girls and told them to listen to the radio. Passive-aggressive? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely. Sometimes she wasn't home when we called, but she always got the message loud and clear.Yeah, I was a pimp.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158723744117067312006-09-19T20:17:00.000-07:002006-09-19T22:00:50.073-07:00

A loyal reader wrote in with this note, "Wow, your site is #2 and #3 on google for 'my smoke alarm won't quit chirping' out of 56,300 sites. That's pretty impressive."I agree, that is impressive. But it is not enough. I promise you that the folks at VirtualJunkDrawer won't quit until we are Number 1. And even when we are Number 1, we won't rest on our laurels. (Because we don't have any small

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158379288746183312006-09-15T20:52:00.000-07:002006-09-15T21:02:10.423-07:00

After I posted the last entry I decided to check out my web stats and I saw that someone typed "my smoke alarm won't quit chirping" into google and google brought that person here, to VirtualJunkDrawer. Unfortunately, that person never learned to take the battery out because google took them to a page where I was complaining about a neighbor's chirping smoke detector. Better luck next time.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158377785697334072006-09-15T20:16:00.000-07:002006-09-15T20:42:17.683-07:00

It's Friday, so what's a lawyer to do? Go out and get drunk. Being a good lawyer, that's what I did. Plus, I'm working on making more money, so I have to drink more. So I went out for beers and pizza with the Idea Guy. We had a great time and had a couple good beers. And one crappy beer unfortunately. Rick's Special Bitter. It's Crap. There was nothing special about it and it wasn't

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158271922984102292006-09-14T13:34:00.000-07:002006-09-14T15:35:06.736-07:00

Yeah, I'm blown away too. Sociology finally deserves to be called a science. It's a goose-down, baby blanket, 2-play don't squeeze the charmin-soft science, but a science none-the-less. How in the hell did the study of sociology get promoted to the ranks of scientific inquiry? Well, with its new study on drinkin' and money makin'.Study: Social Drinkers Make More MoneyThe study claims that men

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158203307720870592006-09-13T20:06:00.000-07:002006-09-13T20:09:46.356-07:00

It's what's for dinner...when it's The Girlfriend's night to cook.At least she opened it for me.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1158021803782557232006-09-11T17:19:00.000-07:002006-09-11T17:47:50.350-07:00

That is a picture of my elbow. Guess what happened to it.A) Tripped and scraped my elbow against the wallB) Big ol' spider biteC) Desk burn after 13 hour research session, on a Sunday, for exceptions to hearsay and attorney-client privilegeIf you guessed C, you are correct. Being a lawyer is Awesome! I missed every NFL game on TV.By the way, do you remember a crazy little hearsay exception

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1157695840001907772006-09-07T20:30:00.000-07:002006-09-07T23:10:40.056-07:00

Work has been sucking all the fun out of life, so the other night I decided to kick it up a notch and start drinking on Wednesday. The Idea Guy made the prediction that happy hour will become significantly more meaningful now that we are workin' stiffs. I think he's right.So I met the Idea Guy at a bar for trivia night. Idea Guy was meeting a group of co-workers from a previous job. Trivia

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1157178646459676102006-09-01T23:25:00.000-07:002006-09-01T23:31:25.013-07:00

I think it broke my funny bone. I'm going to have to dig deep and come up with some stories about my childhood or something. Does anyone know a good blog exterminator? I hear crickets.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1156472142786239992006-08-24T18:41:00.000-07:002006-08-26T00:44:13.710-07:00

Its just one of those days,Where you don't want to wake up.Everything is fucked,Everybody sucks.You don't really know why,But you wanna justify,Rippin' someone's head off.I hope you know, I pack a chainsaw.I'll skin your ass raw.Yeah, it was just one of those days, so I came home early. Here's the narrative.So I had to be to work at 7:30AM today. I had my alarm set for 6:00AM and I woke up

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1156391910522521892006-08-23T20:35:00.000-07:002006-08-23T20:59:47.970-07:00

So, I was watching the Captivate Network in the elevator today when an odd headline popped up. It read, "Polar Bear Genitals Shrinking Due to Pollution."Even though the excerpt wasn't on the screen long enough for me to read, I got the gist. But I want to know the story behind the story. How do they decide who has to sneak up behind the polar bear to measure its balls. "Hey Intern! See that

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1156309419252443492006-08-22T21:33:00.000-07:002006-08-22T22:04:17.426-07:00

Well work isn't going too badly. I've worked 10 hours each day this week, which is a lot like law school. On the other hand, at law school you don't get paid. On the other foot, you don't get yelled at by your boss.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1156119899926644942006-08-20T16:37:00.000-07:002006-08-26T00:45:01.016-07:00

  V.   I went to Eastern Washington this weekend and I saw a gigantic sign along the highway blinking, "TRANNY SERVICE." I don't know exactly what "Tranny Service" would entail in the city, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't include a bunch of truckers milling about beneath the sign...Or would it?

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1155791587673489092006-08-16T20:36:00.000-07:002006-08-16T22:20:02.116-07:00

Pus·sy 1. adj. pus··si·er, pus··si·est - Containing or resembling pus.2. n. What you thought of when you read the title.I hate pussy milk. Now let me be clear that I'm no activist. To prove it I will divulge that I hate parades (probably more than pussy milk). Activists love their parades. Activists call their parades "marches" because they are too damned cheap to build floats and throw out

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1155605334539181252006-08-14T18:27:00.000-07:002006-08-26T00:46:14.613-07:00

10. Lake Rule #1: Swimming is limited to the hours between 2 and 5 PM9. Lake Rule #2: Toilet flushing is prohibited between 2 and 5 PM8. There is no aquatic or wild life, except the man-eating bugs7. Even though there are no fish, fishing licenses are ~$18US per person per day6. Canada is cold and miserable, even in the summer5. The only entertainment is horseshoes, with old people, who smell

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1155528379307197682006-08-13T20:18:00.000-07:002006-08-13T21:06:19.416-07:00

Well folks, tomorrow I start the big job. It's finally time to start bringing home some bacon. No more Ellen, Days of Our Lives, People's Court, or Judge Judy for me. I'll miss you guys.When I was a kid I used to wake up, wach an episode of webster, then go ride my bike around the neighborhood, or on the freeway, until Mom whistled for dinner. Those days are long gone.Hello ratrace.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1155446375215813672006-08-12T22:08:00.000-07:002006-08-13T00:17:45.633-07:00

10. Cinnamon Timbits 9. Coconut Timbits 8. Maple Timbits 7. Raspberry Timbits 6. Apple Fritter Timbits 5. Sour Cream Timbits 4. Honey Dip Timbits 3. Honey Crueller Timbits 2. Old Fashioned Glaze Timbits 1. Chocolate Glaze TimbitsNote to Americans: A "Timbit" is just a really tasty doughnut hole sold by Tim Hortons Restaurants.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1155281258160982092006-08-10T23:34:00.000-07:002006-08-11T00:49:28.246-07:00

My brother had a big date tonight in the big city (He lives about 80 miles from Seattle). He's been very anxious about it and had a hard time deciding what to wear. He was going to wear his new dress-up outfit and asked what I thought. He described the black slacks, olive shirt, tan sport jacket, brown shoes, and matching brown belt. I'm certainly no fashion expert, but the sales person who

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1155105356517927702006-08-08T23:14:00.000-07:002006-08-09T01:07:58.270-07:00

&nbsp Alcohol ContentBy Volume5.8%5.0%Price in USD of 24 Pack$23$29TasteMalt & HopsLike BudweiserColorRich AmberLike PissI went to Canada for my "holiday" and took a case of Red Hook with me. Immediately upon popping open the first brew, the Canadians began the assault on how terrible American beer is compared to their Molson Canadian. I played along and attempted to debate the issue; it was a

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1154504329995749142006-08-02T00:02:00.000-07:002006-08-02T00:42:56.766-07:00

Well folks, it's time for me to take a vacation. It'll be my first real vacation in about 4 years. I'm going to visit our neighbors to the north at a little place called Lake Shuswap - between the cities of Salmon Arm and Sickamoose. Lake Shuswap gets its name from Native Canadians (Native Americans, but Canadian - AKA Indians) and French fur traders that met up at the lake to trade. The most

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1154386492316213972006-07-31T14:57:00.000-07:002006-08-01T00:00:39.266-07:00

When I started college, I was assigned a gym locker and given a Master Lock padlock. The combination of that lock was 01-07-21. 07-21 is my birthday. Creepy eh?When I started law school I was assigned a locker and given another Master Lock padlock. I never really learned the correct combination of this new lock. The combo 30-36-02 was planted in my head and for three years, every time I opened

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1154326994498831622006-07-30T22:27:00.000-07:002006-07-30T23:23:14.573-07:00

ChOOOO CHOOOOO! ALL ABOARD THE DINNER TRAIN!If you are tired of eating your dinner in the stillness of your dining room, then hop aboard the Spirit of Washington dinner train. Once aboard you will experience the "spirit" where your head, fork-hand, and dinner all sway in different directions. The food is pretty good once you get it into your mouth. While you try to eat, there is on-board

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1154038093925148102006-07-27T14:52:00.000-07:002006-07-27T15:08:13.950-07:00

Bar Exam Complete. In approximately 70 days I will get my results. I'm not sure whether I should go buy a suit, or practice my punch clock skills.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1153964042900329982006-07-26T18:27:00.000-07:002006-07-26T18:35:51.336-07:00

Today didn't go as well as yesterday. The annoying girl was more annoying than ever. And I'm tired. I've been up at 5:00 AM two days in a row. The prisoners at Gitmo don't even have to get up at 5:00 AM.But wait! There's More!Tomorrow is the professional responsibility portion of the Bar and I have to study the rules of professional conduct tonight. The only one that really matters is that an

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1153886461090754352006-07-25T20:40:00.000-07:002006-07-25T21:01:01.110-07:00

Completed first three stages of the bar exam. Aside from some very minor technical problems and a bout with the green apple splatters, all went about as well as I could expect. The worst part was the girl sitting in front of me. She is short-n-fat (looked like she was built out of over-stuffed sausages) and she liked to yap at me in her Wisconsin accent. She even continued to yap after I put

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1153465824172830882006-07-21T00:01:00.000-07:002006-07-21T00:29:09.793-07:00

Happy Birthday To MeHappy Birthday To MeHappy Birthday To MeHappy Birthday To Me

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1153237715208491012006-07-18T08:44:00.000-07:002006-07-18T08:48:35.246-07:00

The other day I was chatting with the Idea Guy about some bar exam study strategies, and as usual, he summed it up perfectly."It's like being bulimic, you just regurgitate the rules."Yup, just like being bulimic, and the bar exam is prom. So if you don't hear from me this week, I'm binging.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1153117630142798752006-07-16T23:26:00.000-07:002006-07-16T23:49:54.943-07:00

IntroductionAs I enjoyed a tasty ice cream sandwich the other day I pondered how manufacturers get the ice cream into such a perfect bar form between the chocolate slabs. Realizing that was a boring inquiry that could be easily answered via Google, I decided instead to leave an ice cream sandwich out on the counter. This seems silly at first, but my keen scientific instinct told me there was

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152933303570980362006-07-14T20:06:00.000-07:002006-07-14T20:22:53.656-07:00

Tonight I'm studying wills and probate by listening to our previously recorded lecture. The lecture is significantly more clear now, when I'm coherent, than when I heard it the first time at 9:00 AM. For example, I didn't hear this gem the first time around:[On the effect of Washington's Community Property statute on the intestate distribution of assets]"Your spouse owns a one-half undivided

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152859027056670212006-07-13T22:55:00.000-07:002006-07-14T00:02:32.166-07:00

don't you think...A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...I live in an apartment near my law school. My law school rents two units in the same apartment building. One of these units is directly above mine and the school uses it to host visiting speakers, visiting professors, and other visiting visitors. On its face, this sounds like a great neighbor, one that's never there. In

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152818248485740152006-07-13T12:02:00.000-07:002006-07-13T12:31:17.970-07:00

Breaking News. Your humble blog host is gainfully (albeit temporarily) employed. I totally snagged it using #2 of my suggested Interview Answers.Don't worry, don't worry, I doubt it will have any major effect on the nature and quality of this blog. (It sure can't get any worse)

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152566608475157152006-07-10T13:59:00.000-07:002006-07-10T23:52:01.270-07:00

Summer Lovin' had me a blastdoo doo doo dooSummer Lovin' happened so fastdoo doo doo dooMet a girl, loud as can be...Met a boy, can't satisfy me...Who doesn't love Summer Lovin'? Everyone loves Summer Lovin'. Who doesn't love Summer Lovin' at 3:30AM when you are not a party to the lovin? Me, that's who.Sure, I'm all for folks getting their kicks in the summer, but I should not be subjected to

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152418619985701822006-07-08T21:05:00.000-07:002006-07-08T22:54:26.420-07:00

NUTSSFINNSFIDDL FUM MUUFFOGANDSGADIs that a long lost Simon and Garfunkle opening? No, of course not. That, my friend, is the secret to my success. My bar review program provided those seven acronymonic words create the basis for any commercial paper question I should encounter on the bar exam. Guranteed 10!"But VJD," you ask, "how do you keep it all straight? The same letters repeat so many

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152223751281247122006-07-06T14:43:00.000-07:002006-07-06T15:17:47.503-07:00

Crazy Kim's recent missile launch made me think back a few years to my first encounter with a communist. It was way back in 1992, and I was doing my part to help wipe out the Reds. I was in the seventh grade and there was a girl in my class who I suspected was a communist. She had long flowing blonde hair and a few peculiar tastes and interests. It wasn't clear right away that she was a

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1152056212699564102006-07-04T16:14:00.000-07:002006-07-04T17:31:06.653-07:00

My fellow Americans, today we celebrate the 230th anniversary of the date our forefathers rose up and proclaimed, "We will be The Crown's colonial bitch no longer! Now get off our real estate you crumpet munchers!" What a great day. Enjoy it with hamburgers and explosives. Try not to set your neighbor's house on fire...again.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151907630811475812006-07-02T23:19:00.000-07:002006-07-04T17:34:42.660-07:00

So you wake up in the morning, smack the alarm, and streeeeeeetch. You look outside and it's a cold, rainy day. You glance at the clock, CRAP, you're late. Your alarm was going off for 20 minutes before you realized it. Hurry! You throw on a (sniff sniff) clean shirt, grab some pants out of the dryer, and you are on your way. The day goes by without excitement. Just another cold, rainy day.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151819450013479502006-07-01T22:14:00.000-07:002006-07-04T17:37:22.090-07:00

Happy Canada Day Eh. You Hosers. Many people think Canada Day is the Canadian Independence Day. Those hosers are wrong eh. Canada Day is the celebration of Great Britain's decision to unite its North American provinces and territories into a single British territory called "Canada" eh. This was done through the British North America Act on July 1, 1867, eh. Celebrations started when some guy

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151739754781135012006-07-01T00:04:00.000-07:002006-07-01T01:31:40.266-07:00

I hate going to movie theaters these days. I used to enjoy going to the theater to watch a blockbuster on the big screen. In fact, at one time I enjoyed movies at the theater so much that I multiple movies in a row, spanning an entire work day. I may have misinterpreted my ticket as an all day pass. Those were the good ol' days.Jackasses have ruined the fun of going to the theater. Tonight I

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151656386244649642006-06-30T01:23:00.000-07:002006-07-01T00:03:03.550-07:00

If I don't pass the bar exam, you can find me at the National Power Tool Drag Racing Championships. Git yourself an iron-dog and click the picture below to go to the video at You Tube. I'll be hanging out with the folks featured at the 3:40 and 4:00 minute markers.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151618031851107702006-06-29T14:42:00.000-07:002006-06-29T14:53:51.903-07:00

"What's the difference between tangible and intangible collateral? Anyone?Well, you can lick the tangibles. Can you lick an account receivable? No! Can you lick a bank account? No, of course not. Can you lick a computer? Yes. Can you lick a copy machine? Lick away!"This is probably the most entertaining thing I've ever heard from a professor in law school. If you do not find this funny,

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151452375863145332006-06-27T16:44:00.000-07:002006-06-28T17:36:17.146-07:00

We had record high temperatures yesterday. It's hard to type when sweat is dripping off my palms into my keyboard. I'm afraid my laptop is going to short out. You ask, "Why don't you go somewhere with air conditioning?" Sure, I could go to the law library, or the Starbucks. I choose my 90-degree apartment as the lesser of those evils.

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1151358504939383692006-06-26T14:24:00.000-07:002006-06-26T14:54:57.933-07:00

Happy Monday everyone. For today's edition of Magic Memory Monday I'm going to take you way back to the mid-80s and early 90s. How many of you remember Slimer Gum? Slimer Gum was only one small product in the mega-billion-dollar Ghostbusters franchise. Most of you probably experimented with this gum once and never ventured another taste. I, on the other hand, enjoyed countless tubes of

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1150957546086244622006-06-21T23:19:00.000-07:002006-06-22T13:25:23.513-07:00

...Especially when I'm too lazy to come up with original blog ideas. So I steal them from other blogs like Barely Legal Blog.What does "For all intensive purposes" mean? Well, I thought it meant "Practically." I know you did too and you are wrong.It was only a few months ago (yes, even before Mike's story on BLB)that I learned that there is no such phrase as "For all intensive purposes." The

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1150757578517224462006-06-19T15:51:00.000-07:002006-06-19T17:29:01.373-07:00

My brother and I have told this story many times and now it's time to memorialize it via the interweb.I grew up in the country...unsupervised in the country. We had this friend named Travis. Travis' family lived in the stereotypical country home. I don't mean a southern plantation-style home with a nice porch. I mean double wide with a busted up two story chicken coop, rusted out cars in the

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1150359044424549362006-06-15T00:53:00.000-07:002006-06-15T01:11:05.830-07:00

Damn, we got some Edison lovers out there. You call a guy a "Chump" and you get bombarded in the email.Reasons why Thomas Edison was a chump.used genius to manufacture cement when there was no demandto create demand, he developed the cement housethere was no demand for cement houses, so he proposed cement furniture, including beds, cabinets, and pianos.Short Story &nbsp Long StorySure, Edison

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1150271416484475402006-06-14T00:39:00.000-07:002006-06-14T01:27:57.860-07:00

How come even though we all have Caller ID on our cell phones we still introduce ourselves when we call people. Sure, if you are calling someone new you should introduce yourself. But why do you do it when you are calling someone who you know has 1) your phone number in their phonebook; 2) your picture assigned to the number; and 3) a special ringtone just for you. This isn't a complaint, I'm

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1150183806614308712006-06-13T00:29:00.000-07:002006-06-13T00:38:33.486-07:00

A few years ago I was at Bath & Body Works with my female friend N. She and I were smelling the products when a cute associate came up to us and asked if we wanted to try their new exfoliating salt scrub. I'm pretty sure the inquiry was directed toward N, but I jumped at the chance. The cute associate lead me to a sink and told me to hold out my hands while she applied the salt scrub. She

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1149928814741274992006-06-10T00:55:00.000-07:002006-06-10T01:47:32.176-07:00

I just read an article entitled, Survey, iPods More Popular Than Beer. Say it aint so!iPods are pretty cool. I have two, a shuffle and a nano, which makes me really cool. Unfortunately, due to diminishing marginal returns I'm not twice as cool. I drink more beer to make up for it.I'm not so dumfounded about the iPod beating beer as the "in thing" because it seems the iPod is the "Great

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1149824679420441022006-06-08T20:08:00.000-07:002006-06-08T23:01:10.466-07:00

Playing Kickball - Not LameDrinking beer while playing kickball - Not LameGetting hurt while playing kickball -LAMETonight was the second game of the Bar Review Kickball League and yes, I got hurt. It was the first inning. I was kicking fourth in the lineup. One man on. Perfect roll. The thump of the foot. The crowd went wild. I booted the ball to deep right field. Pain shot through my leg

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1149734825247431652006-06-07T19:00:00.000-07:002006-06-07T19:49:59.520-07:00

If the first two weeks of bar review weren't bad enough, it just got worse. The first two weeks rolled right along: Everyone's territory was established and class proceeded each day without incident. This came to an end on Tuesday.I woke up a little late on Tuesday, but I managed to make it to class only one minute late. One of the course coordinators was going over preliminary matters and the

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1149497527744623372006-06-05T01:44:00.000-07:002006-06-05T01:52:07.763-07:00

A friend of mine had this to say about the bar review process:"It's like being forced to memorize the Cliff's Notes of a book I didn't enjoy reading in the first place."That is far more eloquent than what I had to say about the bar review process:"It sucks ass."

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1149111618519634972006-05-31T14:39:00.000-07:002006-05-31T14:51:35.486-07:00

One day, back in second grade, the class was drawing big pictures. I think I drew a boat, but it wasn't very good becasue I had to use the poor kid crayons. There was a girl in that class that looked and acted a lot like Wendy from South Park. After we finished our pictures, Wendy went up to Mrs. Frost to show off her fancy picture. Wendy pointed out all the features that made her painting

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1148680707996975962006-05-26T14:47:00.000-07:002006-05-26T15:02:22.283-07:00

I picked up a new cell phone today (a silver Razr of course). I've been fiddling with it for the last few hours, trying to figure out all the nifty features. While I was entering a text message, I noticed the nifty "auto-complete" feature. I typed H-E-L and the phone guessed "Help." Not the word I needed, so I continued with my word, adding an L. At H-E-L-L the phone guessed "Hella." Hella?

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19820563.post-1148611495520695132006-05-25T15:48:00.000-07:002006-05-25T19:46:15.043-07:00

Whew, studying for the bar is tough work. My seamless study program consists of going to class for 3 and a half hours in the mornings, then watching People's Court, Judge Joe Brown, and Judge Judy when I get home. The second part of this program is all my idea.I figure I will have an edge by reviewing the law in context. Some students refuse to take their noses out of their books, but I like

V J.D.noreply@blogger.com0